Thursday, September 15, 2016

Something out of Nothin'

90 pounds wet
is what my mother is
five foot two
eyes of blue
bicepts made of stone
muscle and sinew and bone
which looks like almost nothin'
The space she takes up
while she is alive
will be nothin'
compared to the space that will be left behind
when she is gone
She can't get enough oxygen
the air is fighting voraciously for space
in her emphysema scarred lungs
just as the air will vacuously leave mine
when she is gone
She doesn't have enough estrogen
to hold the woman that she is
in within her skin
Her energy
always emanating creativity
asserting a lifetime of maternity
She doesn't have enough teeth anymore
to fill her empty to the core
She lacks the nourishment 
to soothe the ailments
that hold her body at 90 pounds wet

She was not taught to think of herself as enough
Grew up with almost nothin'
Didn't have enough of a father
so she was her own
Protecting herself
90 pounds wet
she wasn't scared of nothin'
Standing up to any kind of threat
fighting as fiercely as the air in her lungs
with anyone
who dared come between she
and her 6 brothers and sisters
Didn't have enough of a mother
so she was her own  
cooking and cleaning for her siblings
and in turn
learning to do nothin' 
for herself
Then she grew up
and finally had enough
left the nothin'
made a family
built a home
five foot two
eyes of blue
bicepts made of stone
muscle and sinew and bone
made something 
out of nothin'
As a mother
She was always making something
growing something
baking something
painting something
crocheting something
sculpting something
singing something
smoking something 
She has made herself into so many somethings

I'm so tired
of people telling each other
that they are nothin'
when we are all so much more than even just one thing
We have 10 fingers
and we claw at each other
because we are told 
from the beginning 
that we aint worth nothin'
We have 10 toes 
and we run from each other
because we couldnt possibly believe 
that we might mean more to each other than nothin'
We have eyes that can see
but our minds have been filled with visions of nothin'
We have ears that can hear
but efforts made to soften the tone of our own voice
are next to nothin'
We have hearts
that constantly bench press
the multiplied weight
of all these piles of nothin'
because our brains are Jonesin'
on the lie that is lack
on the lie that is limitation
all the while forgetting
that even when we feel like we are only
90 pounds wet
and our 'nothin' says its too late
because we have run ourselves 
into the ground
for all of our lives
we still have a choice

Every single 

gift of a day 
that we wake up 
with another chance to breathe
is another chance 
to make a choice
we can stop listening to the
gut wrenching
self shattering
teeth grinding
mind altering
screams of nothin'
and choose instead
to fill the space 
within our lungs, our homes, our jobs, our hearts, 
within our minds, our childrens minds, our friends minds,
within our parents minds, our lovers minds, 
complete strangers minds
with all the somethings we can muster
and we must
for it is time
to make something
out of all