Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Next Time

My goodbyes are not graceful 
As hard as I try 
I can't seem to eliminate the awkward
It's probably because I hate them
How can one be skillful
at something one does not want to do
Once again
I am trying too hard
I want my send offs 
and leaves taken
to be full
of a love and gratitude 
that envelopes you 
like a grandfathers bear hug
Lights your way 
like the beams of a new friends smile
But instead 
most of the time 
it feels like desperate grasping 
from the sudden realization 
of all I will miss
Stuttering, stammering, searching 
for words of reassurance 
that there will be a next time
No matter how much time
may come to pass
My heart struggles 
to figure out how to say
I want you to know  
that I want there to be a next time
The littlest ones
with the fewest words
seem to sum it up
better than any appropriate 
a grown up could present 
A gigantic smile 
and an unabashed gaze
Arms and legs wrapped tightly
around your knee 
Or little fists gripping
face buried in moms pant leg 
refusal to even acknowledge 
the end of this time 
So be forewarned 
someday in the future
I may follow their lead
Don't be surprised 
if I sink to the floor
Wrap my arms and legs around your knee
bury my face in your pant leg 
Grin up at you
and cry
all at the same time
I will do my damnedest
to drape my love around you 
during the time we are together
Give my best grandfather bear hugs
and when it is the presented time
take your face in my hands 
Because I must
To make sure you can see
my yearning for next time
before we have even parted
I won't try to hide the awkward
I won't try to force the graceful
I won't try to quiet the tenderhearted
I won't try to be happy about goodbye 
I won't try
I will just be 
So you will know 
that there will always be
a next time