Thursday, January 28, 2016


I can feel the sway
within the search for my center
I maintain the tenuous balance  
through my toes
Plant my feet
Flex my knees
Arch my back 
Fill my lungs with air
Lift my chin
and look upward
But it is hard to sustain
that posture
for more than a moment
Even though I want to stay
more than anything
I begin to feel the sway
Shifting my balance from one side 
to the other
Giving each leg a turn to carry 
all the weight at once
Seems unfair and unnecessary 
when there are two
made to hold the load together
In my reach for the center
The pendulum swings to one side
I feel the tempo of my mother
A frantic metronome
of anxiety
buzzing within me
Worker bee activity
filling the comb with honey
so there are no empty spaces
the sweet is quick
and the flight of bumble
catches up with me
bee wings are beautiful
but tiny
the weight of the pollen 
I have gathered
starts to burden
so flying becomes
I see how far from the hive
I have strayed
and my leg starts to burn
So I shift my stance
I begin to feel the sway
the pendulum counters
momentum becomes speed
and before I can catch the middle
I have swung to the other side
Opposite contrapposto
My fathers slow low melody
lullabies me to a snails pace
His voice is rich and deep 
His volume is full and lovely 
The vibration resonates 
down in the souls of my feet
and drowns the seat of my soul 
with melancholy knumbness 
I could sleep there
for hours
In that apathetic bed of depression
until the whole world 
just disappeared
An intoxicating hibernation
that holds the sweet kiss of death
which doesn't take very long 
Only one lifetime 
But then that leg starts to tingle
with pins and needles 
I begin to feel the sway
back the other way
This peg leg business 
does not make for a savvy sailor 
only a bitter pirate
A one eyed perspective 
with which to read the map
cheats you out of your rightful treasure 
How am I supposed to navigate
the polar codependent sea charts 
that have been unrolled
in this captains quarters
Which ropes do I pull
What knots should be undone
So I can raise sail 
Catch the wind 
Find my sea legs
the tenuous balance  
is in the curl of my toes
It uproots my feet
Flexes my knees
Arches my back 
Fills my lungs with salty air
Lifts my chin
and I look upward
For that is where I will find the center
submerged within each moment
It rests abreast the cutting edges of the wind
Nestled and protected In between the restless crests of waves
Cradled in the rolling reconstruction of the clouds
Inhaled between the exhales of serenaded notes
It is the still inside the honey spaces

It lies within the feeling of the sway