Monday, February 23, 2015


When the world around you gets too loud
When the information taken in makes you feel too full
When everywhere starts to look like nowhere

Go back

and listen to the whispers

When voices suddenly turn into shouting
When opinions start to rapidly multiply
When there are too many feet on the path

Slow down

and listen to the whispers

When wanderlust gets too wild
When the forks in the road won't cease division
When the brush becomes too thick for your machete 

Stop walking, and for gods sake, stop hacking

and listen to the whispers

When history becomes too heavy
When good advice starts to make you feel crazy
When the sounds of another's story stifles you 

Hold still

and listen to the softest, smallest, sweetest whispers

Please don't misinterpret
I value experience
I value wisdom
I value clarity
I value the universal
I value shared understanding
I am learning to be vulnerable
I am learning to be honest
I am learning to take care of myself
and I am learning to return to myself

For, I am doing it yet again
Looking to the 
for something 
that can only be found 
When my incessant search outside myself
for comfort 
for answers
for direction
for truth
for resolution
Leads me into the middle of nowhere
Leads me into a mindscape I don't know how to traverse
Leads me to the cliffs edge of my sanity 
Before I leap forward
I must step back
from the edge
for just a minute
I must place my hands upon my shoulders
Pull me gently onto solid ground
Slowly turn me around 
Take my face tenderly in both my hands
Cover my soft ears with my strong fingers
Close my eyes with soft kisses
Wrap my long arms around me
and sing to me

"Do you remember me"?
"Do you remember me"?
"Do you remember me"?

Whether I am right or wrong
does not matter
Whether I am good or bad 
does not matter
Whether I am smart or not
does not matter
Whether I am a pillar of reason and logic
or bat shit crazy
does not matter
I am all of those things and
I am none of those things
I just am
I know me
I trust me
All I need to do is listen
Always listen
Listen to the whispers
Do not forsake yourself
The whispers are there to help you
They ARE you
They always know what to do
They always know where to go
They always know the way home
and if I know the way home 
then maybe I can have the courage 
to turn back around
spread my wings 

and fly off the top of this mountain

Thursday, February 5, 2015

No Fucking Fish

Always up for anything
is how I have been described 
Always up to drop what I am doing 
to do what someone else wants 
Eat what someone else craves 
Go where someone else wants 
Listen to what someone else thinks
Live where someone else wants 
Sing what someone else wants to hear
Feel what someone else wants 
Have the adventures of someone else's life
How many times does one have to do that 
and when does it become something that feels normal
When do the scales tip
When does giving away my desires and my time and my life 
become an intolerable crime I commit against myself
When does it become irresponsible to others 
to continue to neglect myself
The sins of the father do not have to be laid upon the child
Where is the line between selfish and selfless
A selfless act is seen as noble 
but it only is 
if it is done with a cup that runeth over
If the definition of self less 
is lack of self 
then what are you really giving someone
You are not teaching them how to fish
You are telling them to abandoned their pole
because you have abandoned your own
and the result is that no one is nourished 
No fucking fish
No bread
No water
and certainly no wine

Why can't you stand up for yourself 
is a question I have always been asked
and now I find 
that I am the one 
asking myself that very question
If you find that you cannot stand up for another
it is probably because you cannot stand up for yourself
Until all the marionette strings are snipped
and they dangle from your fingertips alone
Only then will you understand the minutiae of affect 
that lifting just one finger can have
because there will be no more resistance 
at the other end of the string 
there will be no more other 
to discharge my own discomfort into 
Only then will I see all of it 
Only then will I feel all of it
Only then will I stop suffering 
Only then will I accept all of it as mine
Only then can I choose to love all of it
Only then can I choose to change it
I will not be whole
Even if I am always human
I will not be content
No matter how still I try to hold
I will not be sure of myself
Ever abating the relentless the grip of doubt
I will not be of service
My cup will not be full
Until I experience 
the unconditional condition 

to thine own self be true