Next Time

My goodbyes are not graceful 

As hard as I try 

I can't seem to eliminate the awkward

It's probably because I hate them

goodbyes 

How can one be skillful

at something one does not want to do

Once again

I am trying too hard

I want my send offs 

and leaves taken

to be full

of a love and gratitude 

that envelopes you 

like a grandfathers bear hug

Lights your way 

like the beams of a new friends smile

But instead 

most of the time 

it feels like desperate grasping 

from the sudden realization 

of all I will miss

Stuttering, stammering, searching 

for words of reassurance 

that there will be a next time

No matter how much time

may come to pass

My heart struggles 

to figure out how to say

I want you to know  

that I want there to be a next time

The littlest ones

with the fewest words

seem to sum it up

better than any appropriate 

a grown up could present 

A gigantic smile 

and an unabashed gaze

Arms and legs wrapped tightly

around your knee 

Or little fists gripping

face buried in moms pant leg 

refusal to even acknowledge 

the end of this time 

So be forewarned 

someday in the future

I may follow their lead

Don't be surprised 

if I sink to the floor

Wrap my arms and legs around your knee

bury my face in your pant leg 

shamelessly

Grin up at you

and cry

all at the same time

I will do my damnedest

to drape my love around you 

during the time we are together

Give my best grandfather bear hugs

and when it is the presented time

take your face in my hands 

Because I must

To make sure you can see

my yearning for next time

before we have even parted

I won't try to hide the awkward

I won't try to force the graceful

I won't try to quiet the tenderhearted

I won't try to be happy about goodbye 

I won't try

I will just be 

So you will know 

that there will always be
a next time