I am taking
inventory
in this personal 12
step program for lying
This mastery of gaslighting
myself
It is a game of
strip poker
and I am the dealer
the wheeler
and the chump
What happens when I
run out of chips
How many rounds do I
get
Who is going to
know if I slip
Who will hold me
accountable
Am I a bad person
if I bluff to protect myself
Am I a good person
if I take a hit to protect you
If my honesty
breaks your heart
would it still be
considered a virtue
If my deceit brings
you sweet day dreams
then my sleep is
filled with nightmares
If my total and
utter transparency
completely strips
you of your self agency
All will be
forgiven
if my intentions
are pure
with the desire to
make myself more self aware
Right?
If the hand I have
been dealt
has been a labrynth
through mine fields
of sin and sorrow
and wrong
but all of it has
been right for me
does that mean my
story will be called out
as hustle,
justification and excuse
playing, gaming and
shade
or will it be met
with an effort to understand
that it is really
just a misdirection of pain
I am the master gas-lighter
in this recovery
program
ain’t nobody
counting cards
except me
I am the dealer
the wheeler
and the chump
So place your bets
Show your hand
All trump on the
table
All clothes on the
floor
No matter what hand
you are dealt
No matter what
tricks you trade
nobody wins this
naked spade game
Unless
you
strip