Footy Pajamas

I have been trying
to step into myself 
for 
so 
long 
now
41 years 
to be specific 
Stepping into oneself 
is sometimes like trying 
to put on 
a pair of unruly footy pajamas 
I can never seem 
to get my first foot
in the right hole 
to begin with
and then I lose my balance 
trying to stand on one leg 
to get the other foot in

Can't ever seem 
to find the armholes 
stretching my shoulders
back behind myself 
like a pretzel
like the
awkward
human 
pretzel 
I am 
struggling with the zipper 
Its always the cheapest damn zipper
in the world 
and I always
get it stuck 
in the fleece 
at least 
2 times 
You know what they say 
42 times a charm
Finally 
I zip it
up to my neck 
feeling choked, panting and sweaty 
like a pathetic bedtime superhero 
who didn’t accomplish anything 
Certainly didn’t save nobody
By then I’m exhausted 
and all I want to do is go to bed 
NAKED

Maybe 
I don’t want 
to step into nothing 
anymore
Maybe 
I just want 
to run around 
like a happy toddler 
barefoot and dangerous 
NO diaper on 
bellybutton hanging out
Full of joy and freedom 
A squeal in my laugh
spark in my eyes 
that says 
look out
because I’m bout 
to start 
some trouble