Sunday, June 28, 2015

Brand New

She always feels brand new
A puzzle I want to solve 
and again
I want to get it right
crack the code
find the combination
But then 
every night
I want her to change it
every day
I want to do it all over 

I show her my insecurities 
my eccentricities 
the holes in my heart
One by one
layer after layer
deeper than I have ever been 
brave enough to go
And somehow 
she still sees the good
and I know that I am good
But through the details
of conversations
mutual navigation 
the smallest interactions
she helps me see
exactly how
I can be

And still I want
I will always want her
It is the 
most powerful force
that I have ever felt 
in my short life 
thus far 
It pushes up inside me
out through every limb
Every fingertip
Every goosebump
Every breath
A feeling that I love
almost more than anything
It is the creative force
It is what drives me
it is an experience 
that is not to be driven
is not driven 
it is ridden 
You must let the present 
take the wheel
Sit in the passenger seat
beside it
Stand in it
Lay entwined with it
For driving is dangerous
It is a task 
a job 
an accomplishment
If I am too focused 
on the road ahead
like a good driver should be
then I speed past 
what brought me to this space 
in the first place
The way time slowed down
almost stood still
when I looked into her eyes
The way I could feel the air 
all around me 
when I sat next to her
The way my ears warmed 
from the sweet vibrations 
of her voice
The way my mind 
was finally soft 
with my heart 
The involuntary reaction 
to be tender with her 
was so strong 
that it overtook 
That strongest gentle
it is the 
most powerful force
I have ever felt
and it always remains
underneath all the rest
It makes me slow down
exactly as I need to
Fast is the part of me 
that I don't want to be
I want to bask in my slow motion
A movement I am reminded of
every time I swim
in her deep ocean
With every crashing wave
that washes over me
so completely 
she makes me feel
like I am 
brand new

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