When I was growing
up
I received a BIG education
that began when I
was very little
on how to be small
Its an education
that I am grateful
for
about morals and
ethics and war
I saw conferedate
flag bandanas wrapped around heads
not knowing that
they were helmets
I heard kkk
propaganda before I even knew
what those words meant
what those words meant
I learned who we
called faggots and who we called niggers
"because that’s who
they are", they said
with angry,
outstretched, index fingers
No wonder I didn’t
tell them
that is who I am
No need to GIVE someone an excuse
to beat the gay away
especially when
some people arent even afforded that LUXURY
especially when
some people arent even afforded that LUXURY
I saw the big
picture of bigotry
The complex quilting
of blame
through piece after
piece of incidents and accidents
I watched the
spreading of blankets of hate and shame
over patriarchal beds
full of self righteousness
and indignation
and incest
Beds slept in
safely, snuggly, smugly, every night
Shotguns loaded
under the frame
Just in case
and out of sight
It is true what they
say
those crazy phychologists
those brainwashing scientists
those crazy phychologists
those brainwashing scientists
Prejudice is not
innate
I learned at
that early age
to be disgusted
and irate
which amazingly I maintained
but not exactly in the way they had trained
but not exactly in the way they had trained
I listened year
after year
to joke after joke
watched time after
time
as the masoginistic
poked
and the generations
of rage
prodded and choked
prodded and choked
the love
right OUT the room
So I followed those
instructions
and I left
I pay my own bills
Rent my own room
So no I DON'T have
to tolerate this anymore
You cant make me go
to Christmas
Even Jesus wouldn’t
put up with this SHIT
As I watched my
grandparents die
I hoped that this
ideology
This pathology
This heart dis-ease
This live-or can't-sir
This brain tomb-er
This brain tomb-er
would go with them
but I am getting an
education yet again
that I am not happy
about
but privileged to
receive
and still grateful
for
When my girlfriend stood
at the door
asked me to show her
a neighborhood
that was safe to
walk her dogs in
She smiled at my
uneducated answer and said
Sweetheart, I don’t
think you understand
I stand OUT on an
affluent street
My skin is too brown
The cops will follow
me around
I will feel safer in
a different part of town
She loses sleep at
night
when her sons are
out
Reciting instructions
given from day one
about how to survive
being pulled over by the cops
knowing not IF it
will happen, but WHEN
One week she sends
her boy
off to college to
become a man
and the next watches
hatred fill a campus
not surprised to
watch history repeat itself yet AGAIN
I see these
supremacy demonstrations
that are filled with
men
who all but look
like my next of kin
Brandishing sticks
and stones
and they think they
know me
with their accusations
of sin
and I smile a little
because maybe they
do
but the joke isn’t
over
because I also know
them
I know their
shouting and gun loading
comes from fear and
self loathing
I know that their
atrocious, unforgiveable abuse of power
cums from the fact
that they have not yet found their own
Using a FIST to make
ones way in the world
is just evidence
that one is still trapped underneath
someone elses THUMB
and nurturing the
family tree of passed down oppression
will only make
someone feel
old
tired
and KNUMB
I know their heads
full of secrets and games
I know their pants full
of inadequacies and shame
I know their hearts
full of bruises
I know their
histories full of excuses
Just like mine
And I know that
that is not really
who they are
but it is still who they are CHOOSING to be
but it is still who they are CHOOSING to be
I hope that someday
very, very, very
soon
they will choose to
see
that it is MERELY
an education
that they received
when they were very little
on how to be small
on how to be small