Wednesday, April 8, 2015

I know

When I was 13
I used to say
‘I know’
all the time
Drove my dad nuts
Maybe it was the eyerolling
or the long sighs
or the tongue smacking
which accompanied it
Coaxing the vein out
in his forehead
He was around my age
when I threw those words around
so carelessly
I now know
what he knew then
That I don't know shit
Certainly didn't when I was 13
and even less now at 38

One of the very few things
that I do know
is that the words
I know
can be two of the most
powerful words
in the English language

I know
can be a declarative statement
Whatever follows
holds the echoing
the ripple
the resonance
of defining who you are
Bringing waves
that wash away who you used to be

I know
can be a curtain
that when drawn aside
reveals what is understood
and what is not
filling the room with light
illuminating details that once hid in cast shadows

I know
can be clarifying
the meaning it claims to hold
is determined
by the difference
between
experience
and lack there of
coming into focus
through the lens of trying something different

Most importantly
I know
can be affectual
full of feeling
and being felt

I know
can be emphatic
locking each other's gaze
with silent nods
and outstretched hands

I know
can be sweetness
held between
the jaws of clenched teeth
and swallowed pride

I know
can be Surrender
the willingness
to let your heart break
under the weight
of what you know
and in the absence
of what you don't

I know
can be
the web
that gets untangled
with patient nimble fingers
waiting for the knots to loosen
tenderly pulling at the strands
silently studying
the woven patterns
to follow the path
back to where it started

I know
can be the thread
the thread that connects us
the thread that sews us
back together
the sutures that crisscross
back and forth
over the edges of our cracks
holding us together
I will hold you
through what you know
Please hold me
through what I don't
For it is only through this holding
that we truly get to know
anything at all
and the only thing worth knowing
is each other

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